


Honeymoon #1

by AbbyWard



Series: Honeymoon [1]
Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-08
Updated: 2012-06-08
Packaged: 2017-11-07 06:56:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/428191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbbyWard/pseuds/AbbyWard





	1. BPOV

This is Bella and Edward's first time together on their honeymoon.

All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The first lines are copied from Breaking Dawn, chapter 5, so you know where I got my inspiration and start point.

Honeymoon #1 Bella POV

I raised my hand and placed it over his heart. White on white; we matched, for once. He shuddered the tiniest bit at my warm touch. His breath came rougher now.

'I promised we would try,' he whispered, suddenly tense. 'If ... if I do something wrong, if I hurt you, you must tell me at once.'

I nodded solemnly, keeping my eyes on his. I took another step through the waves and leaned my head against his chest.

'Don't be afraid,' I murmured. 'We belong together.'

I was abruptly overwhelmed by the truth of my own words. This moment was so perfect, so right; there was no way to doubt it.

His arms wrapped around me, holding me against him, summer and winter. It felt like every nerve ending in my body was a live wire.

'Forever,' he agreed, and the pulled us gently into deeper water.

As we floated further I leant in to his lips for a kiss. Almost straight away the kiss became so passionate that our breathing sped up. He pulled me tight to his body. The touch of his skin against mine sent sparks through my body, fireworks through my nerves. His hands were flat on my back, pulling me flush against his body. He moved his kisses to my jaw, tracing the bone, his lips' touch sinking through my skin, warming my bones.

As we got deeper and my feet could no longer reach the ground Edward lifted me so I was floating on my back on the top of the water. I no longer felt self-conscious as my body floated to the surface, displayed for Edward's viewing. As I floated, Edward took my hand and started kissing a trail up my arm, moving it away from me as he moved, pausing at my nipple.

I lay there looking at the stars in the clear sky, almost seeing the fireworks Edward was creating in my body. I thought about how Edward was so worried about this. How we seemed so incompatible. So unsuited to this sort of relationship. I knew better and now I had my confirmation. These feelings at his touch, this was my body's way of telling me this was right, this was meant to be. Edward was my match.

He traced his finger around my bellybutton, the sparks travelling lower than his touch, igniting the kindling buried deep in my stomach. As he licked up my body I lowered myself in the water and wrapped my legs around him, needing his skin to be against mine, stoking the fire within.

Edward wrapped his arms tight around me as he began to walk up to the beach, never breaking the kiss. When we got to the shallow waters he gently laid me down and kissed down my body as he knelt between my legs, giving me time to breathe. He paused there for a while, just looking at me. His face burned with the same emotions I was feeling; love, desire, passion, joy. I looked back at him, wondering what to do now, and then my body took over. I sat up slowly, reaching one hand out to touch his lips. He took my hand and kissed each finger tip before I pulled it away and traced them down his body. Down his throat, down his perfectly sculpted, marble smooth chest, down the slight crease between his abs to his bellybutton. Here I stopped, tracing my finger in circles around it, to check his response. I could hear his breathing coming in short gasps, I looked up and he had his head bowed, eyes closed, mouth slightly open, clearly enjoying this new sensation.

His hold on my calves, which he had been squeezing with my touch, slowly relaxed as his breathing slowed. As soon as he opened his eyes to look at me, before he was completely calm again, I started moving my fingers again, keeping the eye contact. This time the movement was even slower; teasing, building the tension. A moan of pleasure escaped his lips. Down my fingers went and up went his rate of breathing until suddenly he stopped breathing. I had reached my goal. I held his penis in my hand. It seemed to throb with a heartbeat that was not actually there. I stroked it gently, marvelling at how sexy it was standing straight out, pointing towards me.

I didn't notice we had moved until I felt the soft brush of mosquito netting on my arm as Edward put me on the bed. He crawled over the soft linen until he was over me, resting his weight on his elbows either side of my head.

'I love you,' he said, gazing into my eyes, checking that we were doing this for the right reasons, always the gentleman.

I pushed on his chest to tell him to roll over and I climbed on top of him, sitting on his stomach be for I answered, 'and I love you.' The small amount of control he conceded to me gave me an idea. I had wondered how I could reward him for putting up with me – my hormones mostly, but also reward him for agreeing to try when he could have continued to refuse. I had heard about different things girls were doing with boys all through high school. I had never bothered to listen and memorise details, never had reason to be interested in that sort of conversation. Until now: in bed with my husband, doing my best to be sexy, and really needing him to relax and want this. I was nervous. Not only was I inexperienced, I was clueless. I set my face into a determined expression, my resolve following suit and just got on with it.

As he raised his torso up to kiss me I pushed him back down. Bella was in charge; sexy, confident, certain, self-assured Bella.

Starting at my hands on his chest I licked my way down his body. I saw out the corner of my eye his hands leave my body and grip the sheets. A moan came from above me, urging me on, fuelling my confidence and affirming my actions. I stopped at his bellybutton, swirling my tongue around it before sitting up slightly and replacing it with my hand. Slowly I ran my hand down over his line of hair and grasped his penis. I looked up at him, not wanting to miss his reaction to my actions any more. Our eyes locked and I lowered my mouth over him, taking him completely into my mouth, fighting my gag reflex. I sucked as hard as I could and watched as Edward reacted to the feeling: clutching at the pillows, licking his lips, and moaning. I moved my mouth along him a couple of times before my fear caught up to me. With one last suck I released him, glad I had completed my mission to pleasure and relax Edward before I lost my nerve.

Edward reached for me as I crawled back up the bed to him and tucked me under his arm at his side. 'No author ever got it right,' he said, 'there simply aren't words to describe how incredible that felt. Nothing could have prepared me for that and I am having trouble thinking clearly knowing there is more to come.' He closed his eyes and a grin slowly spread across his face, matching the one on mine.

I could only smile and say, 'I know exactly what you mean.'

I sat up on my elbow with my hand resting on his chest. As I leaned in to kiss him I stopped to watch him lying there his eyes closed looking as though he could be sleeping which was silly seeing how he hadn't slept in over 100 years. I began to wonder what he was thinking, hoping he wasn't trying to back out of our agreement. At that moment Edward opened his smouldering eyes and I stopped breathing, stunned. He waited until I started breathing again, moved my hand to his heart then began shifting his weight so that he was hovering just above me with barely enough room between us that the thinnest piece of paper might slip through. He held me there with his eyes burning into my soul, warming me inside and out.

'You must tell me at once if you feel the least bit of pain. Promise me you will,' He said.

'I promise.'

He touched his forehead to mine and murmured, 'I love you more than my own life.'

'You are mine, we belong together,' I replied.

He caressed my cheek, kissed my lips, and brought himself to rest between my thighs. He began to push into the heat that had been burning there for what seemed like forever. I finally felt whole. There was a small amount of pain as I stretched to accommodate his large penis, but the overwhelming sensation was joy and completion, like I had found my corresponding piece. He crushed his mouth to mine and his sweet breath washed over me and he moaned as though he were in pain and rested his forehead against my cheek. For a few seconds he was still.

Slowly he pulled back out then pushed into me. With each movement I began to synchronize with him, my nerves exploding, sending showers of sparks through my brain, and between my legs as my desire grew out of control. Edward rolled over without pulling out and I tucked up my legs so I could do some of the work. Edward enjoyed this, a lot. He gripped the top of my arms and moaned then arched his back with pleasure.

Suddenly he was on top again. He pressed himself deep inside me and sealed his lips to mine for a second then sucked my bottom lip into his mouth. As he swayed his hips side to side I called his name and spaced out for a couple of minutes.

I came back to the moment as Edward started to trace a line down the side of my face. He kissed me gently on the lips. 'Bella,' he whispered. 'Oh Bella, my love.' And with that he slowly started moving in and out of me again.

As he increased the tempo of his thrusts his hands explored my body. For what seemed like hours we moved together, linked not just physically but mentally too. I gazed into his eyes and he gazed into mine, reading each other's wants and needs. I wanted him to hold me tighter only moments before he clutched at my limbs as though here, in this alternate universe, he could read my mind. I only had to envision him kissing me when seconds later he would bring his lips crashing down against mine and our mouths would search hoping to find the needed element that would quench this building thirst.

I could feel my body building towards some kind of climax. Edward swept his hand up my ribs and up my arm, pinning it to the bed above my head. Pulses were running through my body, starting between my legs and ending in my fingertips. 'Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward, oh Edward,' I sighed in time with his thrusts.

Simultaneously we called each other's names as we reached our climaxes together. I could feel an explosion of electricity shoot up my spine.

We lay, still joined together, panting. Gently he rolled off me and pulled me to his side. Slowly our breathing slowed back to normal, my skin cooled as it finally registered the temperature of his, and I slowly drifted off to sleep.

I could only begin to dream of my life as it unfolded in front of me never knowing if and when my life would end, only that where ever my life took me I would always be with Edward. He was my husband, my soul mate, my everything.


	2. EPOV

This is Bella and Edward's first time together on their honeymoon (Edward's POV).

All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Some dialogue is copied from Breaking Dawn, chapter 5, so you know where I got my inspiration.

Honeymoon #1 Edward POV  


She raised her hand and placed it over my heart. The heat of her hand and the anticipation of what was to come made me shudder the tiniest bit and my breathing picked up as I thought about what I had to do.  
I still felt the urge to run: I could swim back to Rio de Janeiro in 5 minutes. But really I couldn't, I had left her before under the guise of saving her, protecting her. It almost killed us both and I would not do that again. But how could I do this knowing how much danger I am putting her in, love her so much, want to protect her so much, but have to honour our deal. Would it hurt her more to break the deal or keep the deal, physical or emotional pain were my only choices.  
Unfortunately I am a selfish being, I cannot hold myself back any more. I have had weeks of Bella's 'practicing' and my need for her is intense. My only hope is that I retain enough control over myself to avoid hurting her, that I will be able to stop myself if she is hurting. But it is Bella, will she even tell me if I hurt her if she can see I am enjoying myself? She will sacrifice anything, even herself for me. Why am I doing this, why did I agree? When we made the bargain all I thought about was marriage and how she would be less anti-marriage if she had a reward. I got what I wanted now I have to face giving her what she wanted. No, I cannot run  
'I promised we would try,' I whispered, hoping my tense tone will get through her distraction from our touching skin. 'If ... if I do something wrong, if I hurt you, you must tell me at once.'  
She nodded solemnly, keeping eye contact to show me she heard. She took another step through the waves and leaned her head against my chest. Her skin was hot. The heat felt like it was sinking in to my skin, warming my body. Warming the dead, unmoving parts of my body.  
'Don't be afraid,' she murmured. 'We belong together.'  
Suddenly her warmth created movement I had never felt in this life. An erection. I could feel that what she said was true. We were so different – vampire and human – yet the same – lovers, partners, made for each other. And I was no longer fighting the urge to run. Instead I was fighting the urge to carry her to the bed and make love to her. My wife, my love, mine forever.  
I wrapped my arms around her finally feeling like everything in my existence was right, I had found my missing piece, my Bella completed me. We belong together, 'forever,' I replied. I pulled us into the deeper water.

As we floated further I leant gently in to her lips for a kiss. Almost straight away the kiss became so passionate our breathing sped up. I pulled her to me tighter, I couldn't get enough. Her skin was so smooth and warm; it felt wonderful beneath my hands. I moved to her jaw, tasting her luscious skin, hearing her breath come in gasps and smelling her sweet scent waft around my head.  
I lifted Bella so she could float on the surface of the water in front of me. I kissed along the arm closest to me, lifting it as I kissed until I reached her breast.  
How lucky I am to have this beautiful woman all to myself I thought as I ran my fingers over her beautiful body. I thought about our first meeting, what if I had done the unmentionable and killed her? I would miss out on this. How thankful I am that I had 100 years before meeting her to develop my self-control, meaning I get to enjoy moments like this, which I thought I would never get. Self-control. Yes I still had it. We had never been this intimate, I had never let us go this far, I was afraid I would lose it. But I didn't. Yet.  
I kissed a line down to her belly button and traced it with my finger as I thought about my self-control threshold. How much further could we go before I lost it? Would it upset Bella if I needed to stop? Would I stop before I hurt her or wait until she cries out in pain before I stop? Maybe I should stop here.  
I kissed her belly button and licked my way back up to her throat, being down near her hips was not helping me stop. But Bella's movements put the thoughts right out of my mind. As we became parallel she wrapped her legs around my waist and the heat felt so good I couldn't resist the kisses and could not stop.

I scooped her up into my arms and carried her up to the beach. I laid her down in the shallows and kissed my way down her body until I was in a kneeling position between her legs. I sat back to admire her wet body, glistening in the moonlight. Her skin was as white as mine in the monochrome landscape, except for a slight dark blush on her cheeks. Her wet hair streamed around her head in the sand. Her eyes stared up at me communicating her love so easily for me to read. So beautiful, my heart almost gave a beat, if only it was possible.  
Slowly she lifted her hand and sat up to touch my lips. I kissed each finger tip, eager to taste the scent that went with the gorgeous body. But this was not what she wanted. She pulled her fingers away. Softly she touched a finger to my skin and traced down my throat. Her fingers travelled down my chest to my bellybutton. I gripped her calves to steady myself and closed my eyes because it felt so good, like a low watt electrical current dancing on my nerve endings, travelling through the softest feather. The sensation seemed to sink right through me, almost warming me.  
But she had stopped moving down. It took me a moment to register; the currents were still flowing through my skin. I wanted this sensation more, all over my body, I needed to hold her. I loosened my grip on her legs so I could wrap my arms around her. I opened my eyes and saw her gazing up at me. I could not move for a second, her beauty fixed me on the spot. I was desperate for her touch. Then she gave me more. Her finger started moving again. This time the movement was even slower. The pleasure in this touch was so intense I moaned. Down her fingers went and up went my breathing rate until suddenly it stopped. She held my penis in her hand. I kept gazing into her eyes, somehow. I had never felt anything to match this. It felt like I had been paralysed and suddenly got sensation back. Like I had been shocked back to human, I thought my heart was about to start beating again.

I could not wait any longer. I lifted her up into my arms and ran as fast as I could back to the house. I had to force myself to slow down as I came to the bed. I laid her gently in the middle and climbed on top of her. This was it, it was time. I still had self-control, I could do this, we could do this. Bella loved me, she was my wife and we were about to become more intimate than I had been with anyone before. I was so elated; I had everything I ever wanted.  
'I love you,' I told her, letting her in on my thoughts.  
She pushed me to let me know to roll over, I conceded. She got on top of me to say, 'and I love you.'  
I reached up to kiss her but I saw the expression on her face – she wanted to be in charge. She put her weight on my chest and I lay back flat, obedient. She started moving down me licking my skin as she went. Her tongue felt amazing as she moved it across my skin. I felt like I had to hold on to something so I let my fragile wife go and gripped the sheets. I heard a moan and realised it was me, this woman was good, how did she know how to drive me crazy like this? When she stopped I almost let out a moan of regret but before I could her hands were on me. Rubbing down to my penis. For the second time she touched this incredibly sensitive part of me, but this time she didn't just touch. In that moment she looked up at me and her eyes locked on to mine. She lowered her head, opened her mouth, and took all of me inside. If I thought it was good before, this topped it all. All other feeling paled in comparison.  
Suddenly I lost control of my body, but not in the way I expected. I floated on a cloud of pleasure. While my body clutched at the pillows, licked its lips, and moaned uncontrollably.

Slowly I came back to my body. I pulled Bella up to lie next to me and she draped a leg over my stomach. I took a minute to compose my thoughts and slow my breathing before I could speak. 'No author ever got it right,' I said, 'there simply aren't words to describe how incredible that felt. Nothing could have prepared me for that and I am having trouble thinking clearly knowing there is more to come.' I closed my eyes as I lost my train of thought, lost in my imagination of the next part.  
'I know exactly what you mean,' she said.  
I looked up at her, wondering if she was ready, I certainly was, I had no more thoughts of running or stopping, I was starting to believe I could do this. At that moment our eyes met and she stopped breathing, reminding me just how fragile she was and how horrible I would feel if I caused her to stop breathing. I waited until she started breathing again. I moved her hand to my heart, and began shifting my weight slowly and carefully so that I was hovering just above her. This was it but I was scared after my sudden reminder.  
'You must tell me at once if you feel the least bit of pain. Promise me you will,' I said.  
'I promise,' she replied.  
I bowed my head to hide my worries and touched my forehead to hers while I murmured 'I love you more than my own life.'  
'You are mine, we belong together,' she replied. This statement reminded me how right this felt and how so far my self-control was holding well. I was decided.

I caressed her cheek, kissed her, and positioned myself to enter her. At the same time I readied my mind – pushing back every doubt I had. I also took a moment to review my medical knowledge so I knew what to do and expect. The most worrying thing to me was the blood from tearing her hymen but I would deal with that somehow. I knew she was a virgin but hopefully hers would already have been done, through some act of clumsiness she was so well known for.

As I pushed into her I discovered yet another overwhelming sensation of pleasure. I crushed my mouth to hers and moaned as I felt the sensations wash over my heart, almost painfully, and then I rested my forehead against her cheek. I stayed still for a moment, feeling her tightness wane.

In some far away corner of my mind my self-control waved a flag – maybe she should be on top so there is less chance of crushing her? I gave way to this thought and quickly rolled over without breaking our bond. I was glad I did this, it turned out to have a better reward than I could have imagined. She tucked up her legs and took over. It was so good seeing her riding me, once again I lost control of my body, moans escaping my throat.  
Suddenly I came back to myself, I rolled back over so I could be in charge again, the loss of control worried me just a little, I needed to be in charge.  
I took a small break from our motions to give her a kiss while I tried to regain control over myself. This was becoming difficult to do. I felt my self-control slipping like I was trying to hang on to a slippery ledge, second by second, finger by finger. Suddenly I realised I had sucked her lip into my mouth. It tasted so good and I could feel her speeding heartbeat on my teeth. It would have been so easy to bite down on her delicious skin and taste her blood.  
'Edward,' she called out in bliss. And with that I was back. How could I have thought that? I could never put my love, my Bella, in any kind of danger. And one and the same I could not put myself in danger. I could not live without her, especially now having discovered the pleasure of sex. My brothers were wrong. Sex is not second to drinking human blood. It is first by miles, I had the choice and it was easy to choose sex. Even with the draw Bella's blood had to me. Stop! I suddenly told myself, it was not helpful thinking about blood when my hold on my self-control was so tentative. I grabbed a pillow and bit into it, scattering feathers all over the bed. This made me feel a little better; I grabbed another and held it in my mouth until I was sure I had complete control again, thinking only of my love for the girl lying under me.

I started to trace a line down the side of Bella's face; she still had her eyes closed. When she looked at me again I kissed her gently on the lips. 'Bella,' I whispered, 'oh Bella, my love.' And with that I resumed moving in and out of her.  
Slowly keeping complete control this time, I increased the tempo of my thrusts and explored her body with my hands. I lost track of time as I carefully enjoyed the sensations of her body touching, caressing, and moulding to mine. I let my body take over, let it do what it wanted – holding her, kissing her, but a corner of my mind was there, waiting, ready to reign in my body if need be. There was no need, I found I could enjoy this moment without second guessing myself.  
I could feel something coming, something building inside me, something ready to burst but I wasn't sure how to do it. I moved my hand up Bella's ribs, up her arm, moving it to the top of the bed so we could stretch out together, trying to bring myself to this climax.  
Suddenly, 'Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward, oh Edward,' Bella sighed in time with my thrusts and I was there. Pulses were running through my body, like the heartbeats I haven't felt for over 100 years.

I called out, 'Bella' at the same moment she called my name again. We had both reached our climaxes together, just as we would continue our existence. Together.

We lay, still joined together, panting. Gently I rolled off her and pulled her to my side. Gradually our breathing slowed back to normal and Bella drifted off to sleep.

As I had for many nights I watched her sleep with almost religious devotion. She smiled in her sleep, and I smiled too. For the first time she did not talk so the smile was my only clue to her dreams. I wished I could hear them, I wished I could have my own dreams. I knew what I would be dreaming of so as I laid there with her I replayed our evening.

As the sun slowly came up I noticed something not so beautiful on my beautiful Bella. Bruises. I could see finger marks on the arm draped across my chest. I could see lines striped down her back. I could see one across the cheek bone right in front of my face. I shifted so I was staring straight upwards, not looking at the damage I had done.  
I stayed in this position all morning, memorizing the billows of mosquito netting above me and trying not to think about how I had hurt Bella.

Finally a change in Bella's breathing told me she was awake. Without looking I gently trailed my fingers up and down her back.  
She laughed. How could she laugh? She must be in so much pain. My fault. How could she laugh when her monster of a husband had hurt her so much? Maybe her head was injured. Could she be laughing when she meant to cry? I had never heard of anything like it in all the medical journals I had read. Carlisle would know, I decided to ring him as soon as I knew how much damage I had done.

'What's funny?' I asked to help me assess her mental health. Then her stomach rumbled and she laughed again, I had not registered it rumbling the first time, I was too caught up in my negative thoughts.  
'You just can't escape being human for very long,' she replied.  
No, I thought to myself, you are human and I should have known better, I should have kept you safe. But I don't think she could feel it, I don't think she felt sore. How could that be? She would have felt any broken bones straight away.  
Broken bones. I thought of all the moments I could have broken her bones, if I held her too tight, if I pushed into her too roughly, if I squashed her.  
I was still stunned that she was laughing when she should be hurting when she said, 'Edward.' How could she say my name so casually after I hurt her so badly? 'What is it? What's wrong?' she continued. I couldn't believe she was asking me what was wrong. It was so obvious. I did what I vowed never to do, and should have resisted doing: hurt her.  
'You have to ask?' I replied. I watched as she stared through me for a minute. Worry lines appeared on her forehead as she thought. Now I was hurting her again, straight after I chastised myself for it. 'What are you thinking?' I asked, softening my tone to sooth her as I smoothed her forehead. I almost smiled at the words I have repeated so many times since I met Bella and never had to say before, but I didn't, how could I? I never deserve to smile again, never deserve to be happy again.  
'You're upset. I don't understand. Did I ...?' Bella started but didn't seem able to finish. As always she was worried that she had done something wrong. When will she realise it is always me doing things wrong? I'm always wrong.  
'How badly are you hurt, Bella? The truth – don't try to downplay it.' I said.  
'Hurt?' she said with surprise. Maybe she was too badly hurt to feel it. I waited patiently for her response. I watched as she tested her body for soreness, waiting for the gasp of pain, or any sign she was hurt. Then her forehead wrinkled. I prepared to treat the injury she found but, 'why would you jump to that conclusion? I've never been better than I am now,' she said.  
I couldn't take it. She was not being honest with me. She was doing her usual martyr act to save me my feelings. 'Stop that,' I said after I closed my eyes on a world I could no longer face, a world where I hurt the love of my existence, a world where I was a monster who prayed on young women for my own pleasure.  
'Stop what?' she countered.  
So I said it, 'stop acting like I'm not a monster for having agreed to this.'  
'Edward!' Bella replied. 'Don't ever say that.'  
She didn't believe me. I was going to have to show her how much of a monster I was. 'Look at yourself, Bella. Then tell me I'm not a monster,' I said. I kept my eyes closed. I did not want to see her reaction when she finally saw my proof.  
And then it happened, she gasped and I knew it was over. She had seen what the monster she married had done to her. It was over.  
'Why am I covered in feathers?' she asked. And bruises, I added silently but she hadn't seen them yet.  
'I bit a pillow. Or two,' She was lucky it was a pillow, not her. But if I had bitten her at least we would not be having this discussion. I focused myself back on the subject, 'that's not what I'm talking about.' I waited for her to look further but she didn't.  
'You ... bit a pillow? Why?' she asked. I was going to have to show her myself or we would never get to the point.  
I reached out for her hand but I didn't want to touch her again. I couldn't touch her while knowing how my touch injured her last night. As gently as I could I took her hand and pulled it toward me, displaying her arm for inspection, 'look, Bella!' I said in frustration, 'look at that.'  
We both stared at the bruises, the line of bruise that went from her elbow to her ribs, down to her stomach, and the lines around her arms. She reached out to touch one, still not believing what she saw. I reached out towards her arm and showed her how they matched my fingers.  
'Oh,' was all she could say. She now saw what her monster had done to her. Was this when she would run screaming from me as I had been waiting for since we met?  
I needed to make it up to her, show my remorse, before she went. 'I'm ... so sorry, Bella. I knew better than this. I should not have -.' I could not finish. I could not relive the horror of last night, not even to complete my apology. 'I am sorrier than I can tell you,' I said. That would have to do. I could not explain. I threw my arm over my eyes, attempting to block out the horrific, evil, horrible world. I wanted to stay like this forever, stop existing, die. My existence was going to be over anyway, as soon as Bella left.

I ignored her when she touched me, pulled at my arm, then said my name. I wanted to start my tortuous death straight away.  
'Edward?' she said and paused, waiting for my response. 'I'm not sorry, Edward.' She continued, 'I'm ... I can't even tell you. I'm so happy.' I almost moved with the shock of the word happy, next she will say she is fine. But I know better, I can see the bruises. 'That doesn't cover it. Don't be angry. Don't. I'm really f—'  
'Do not say the word fine,' I interrupted the word I had anticipated. 'If you value my sanity, do not say that you are fine.'  
'But I am,' she whispered. That was almost as bad as the word, I knew now that she was thinking it.  
'Bella, don't.' I couldn't take it anymore. I wished she would just go.  
'No. You don't, Edward,' she snapped back at me. I knew that tone of voice. I had to do as she wished. I moved my arm so I could see her. 'Don't ruin this. I. Am. Happy,' she finished. How could she not think it was already ruined? I ruined her life.  
'I've already ruined this,' I said quietly, not quite ready to give in.  
'Cut it out,' she snapped, and I did, clenching my teeth together. 'Ugh! Why can't you just read my mind already? It's so inconvenient to be a mental mute!'  
That snapped me out of my downward spiral into depression. 'That's a new one. You love that I can't read you mind.' And that reminded me, I can't read her mind, I can't read her feelings, maybe she isn't as hurt as I thought. But I decided that I should never and will never have sex with her again.  
'Not today,' she said.  
'Why?' I asked, now curious about what she is thinking, as always.  
She waved her arms and brought them down on my chest to emphasise her point. 'Because all this angst would be completely unnecessary if you could see how I feel right now! Or five minutes ago, anyway. I was perfectly happy. Totally and completely blissed out. Now – well, I'm sort of pissed, actually,' she finished her rant. I made her unhappy, even if it wasn't the way I expected at first.  
'You should be angry at me.' I was finally getting a normal response from her.  
'Well I am. Does that make you feel better?' she said. I sighed. This mood I was in would not be fixed that easily, how could I find atonement for what I had done and feel better?  
'No. I don't think anything could make me feel better now.' I replied, adding 'or ever' silently to myself.  
Now she was really angry. 'That, that right there is why I'm angry. You are killing my buzz, Edward.'  
I couldn't believe her and I couldn't stop myself either.  
She calmed herself down and said, 'we knew this was going to be tricky. I thought that was assumed. And then – well, it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. And this is really nothing.' As she spoke my anger flared. I couldn't believe all the times she tried to seduce me she was thinking the end result would not be good, worse than what happened. 'I think for a first time, not knowing what to expect, we did amazing. With a little practice -' She stopped when she saw the anger in my face.  
'Assumed? Did you expect this, Bella? Were you anticipating that I would hurt you? Were you thinking it would be worse? Do you consider the experiment a success because you can walk away from it? No broken bones – that equals a victory?' She didn't answer. Slowly I calmed myself, realising that in a way she was right, it was amazing I didn't kill her, let alone break any of her bones.  
When I had calmed down she continued, 'I didn't know what to expect – but I defiantly did not expect how ... how ... just wonderful and perfect it was.' She looked down to continue, 'I mean, I don't know how it was for you, but it was like that for me.'  
I lifted her face up. 'Is that what you're worried about? That I didn't enjoy myself?' I asked, surprised she could be thinking of me like that. Surprised she didn't realise how much I enjoyed it.  
'I know it's not the same. You're not human. I just was trying to explain that, for a human, well, I can't imagine that life gets any better than that,' she said as I thought about her touch, her skin on mine, and her lips wrapped around me. It was the best night of my existence. For me nothing in my life, or existence, was any better than that. Being with my love, my wife, feeling so much, all thanks to her. But the memory was now marred by her bruises.  
'It seems like I have more to apologize for,' I finally replied. 'I didn't dream that you would construe the way I feel about what I did to you to mean that last night wasn't ... well, the best night of my existence. But I don't want to think of it that way, not when you were ...' I couldn't say it, not when she was hurt. Hurt, while I got the greatest pleasure I have ever felt.  
But she smiled. 'Really? The best ever?' she said.


End file.
